Funny Clean Jokes

Get your non-Battletech related angst out in the open here, and talk freely.

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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Steve Ronin » Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:17 pm

Dread wrote:Oh... I hate cold-foot surprise. It's worse than butterball turkey butt.
the turkey butt should be a war crime. :|
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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by GRUD » Wed Oct 29, 2014 5:15 am

Dread wrote:Oh... I hate cold-foot surprise. It's worse than butterball turkey butt.
:shock:

I think this needs explained more!
To me, Repros are 100% Wrong, and there's NO room for me to give ground on this subject. I'm not just an Immovable Object on this, I'm THE Immovable Object.
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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Ravion Hawk » Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:10 am

Imagine an ice cold butterball turkey being placed into the middle of your bare back in the middle of the night while you are asleep.

It is just evil.
"I'm the Colonel of the Iron Ravens; when I end up behind the eight-ball I blast the thing with a Gauss rifle and move on."

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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by GRUD » Wed Oct 29, 2014 5:40 pm

The "butt" part being the other person's bare ass I take it then? :lol:


Nope, never had the experience! :mrgreen: I guess there are some advantages to being single then? :wink: :thumleft:
To me, Repros are 100% Wrong, and there's NO room for me to give ground on this subject. I'm not just an Immovable Object on this, I'm THE Immovable Object.
"Remember. No matter where you go, there you are." -- Buckaroo Banzai - PhD, Rocket Scientist, Musician.
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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Dread » Wed Oct 29, 2014 6:06 pm

Certainly. Especially since the owner of the near-dead flesh is usually grumpy when you say something about it.
"Ejection seats are for wimps! Real men ride 'em to the ground!" -- conversation overheard between a VTOL pilot and an aerojock.

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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Ravion Hawk » Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:58 pm

I read that to the wife...


And got the eye roll of doom.
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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Dread » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:49 pm

I notice you don't say that she argued...
"Ejection seats are for wimps! Real men ride 'em to the ground!" -- conversation overheard between a VTOL pilot and an aerojock.

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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Steve Ronin » Thu Oct 30, 2014 12:23 am

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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by GRUD » Fri Nov 14, 2014 3:22 am

If Beorn the Beorning was to send word to the Orcs near his territory and tell them to stay out under penalty of death, what would you call that?













The Beorn Ultimatum, of course!

:lol:
To me, Repros are 100% Wrong, and there's NO room for me to give ground on this subject. I'm not just an Immovable Object on this, I'm THE Immovable Object.
"Remember. No matter where you go, there you are." -- Buckaroo Banzai - PhD, Rocket Scientist, Musician.
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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Steve Ronin » Tue Nov 18, 2014 1:57 am

For You Vets out there...

** At the beginning of the Army-Navy football game, the coin toss in made.
The Navy captain shouts, HEADS followed by the Army captain shouting LATRINES!

**The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

** How do you break up a bingo game in Iraq ?
Call out "B-52!"

** One summer afternoon a particularly pious Priest was taking a stroll. He came upon a young man about 12 years old. The boy was standing on the corner and he had a small bottle in his hand which he kept tossing up and catching it.
The priest said hello and asked the boy: "What do you have there?"
The boy responded: "Well Father, I got the most powerful stuff in the world"
"How's that?" asked the priest.
"Well Father this is Nitro Glycerin."
The priest became alarmed and was trying to think of a way to retrieve this dangerous chemical. Finally, he says to the boy - "That's not the most powerful stuff in the world." He reached into his coat pocket and drew out a bottle of Holy Water. Then he said, "This is the most powerful stuff in the world. Why just yesterday, I rubbed some on a woman's tummy and she passed a baby."
The boy looked at him and grinned, "Oh yeah? well this morning I rubbed a little bit of this on a cat's butt and he passed a motorcycle."

:D :lol: :D :lol: :D
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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Dread » Tue Nov 18, 2014 2:17 am

Steve Ronin wrote:...passed a motorcycle."
HAHAHA
"Ejection seats are for wimps! Real men ride 'em to the ground!" -- conversation overheard between a VTOL pilot and an aerojock.

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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by GRUD » Wed Nov 19, 2014 6:53 am

Steve Ronin wrote:For You Vets out there...
You say this, but then all the songs are related to Military Personnel, rather than Animal Doctors. What's up with that?


:lol:


Granted, I had to work and deal with a number of Jackasses during my time in the Military, but at least I wasn't a Medic and didn't have to try to "Fix" them! :shock: In some cases "You can't fix stupid" applied also. :roll:
To me, Repros are 100% Wrong, and there's NO room for me to give ground on this subject. I'm not just an Immovable Object on this, I'm THE Immovable Object.
"Remember. No matter where you go, there you are." -- Buckaroo Banzai - PhD, Rocket Scientist, Musician.
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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Steve Ronin » Wed Dec 10, 2014 8:22 am

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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Steve Ronin » Wed Jan 20, 2016 10:46 pm

Common Sense from the uncommon guy.

"That which does not kill us, makes us harder to insure."
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"The longest journey begins by not looking at a map."
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"A man who speaks his mind is called a bachelor."
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"If you have diarrhea, never stifle a sneeze."
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Sayings by Redd Green
images borrowed from the internet. :mrgreen:
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Re: Funny Clean Jokes

Post by Steve Ronin » Wed Feb 24, 2016 12:38 am

more Clean humor.

Noah took his "re-enactment" too far.
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I told you I'd catch Butterscotch 'in the act'
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I love being a taxpayer. :|
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